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Epilogue - The Birthday Party

Aunt Cat stood on the small podium before her beloved family and extended family in the red barn at Camp Legacy. Today was her seventy-fifth birthday and she looked and felt fabulous. She wore a hip pair of low-rise, stone-washed Lucky blue-jeans and a gold lame v-neck halter, which accented her new, pert D-cups and toned biceps just perfectly. Her red spiky hair had a bit of hair gel in it causing it to stick up in a funky type of style that accented the lighter highlights at the end. She was seventy-five going on forty-five, and she wore it well. So her boyfriend Joe had told her as he undressed her with his eyes from the side of the stage.


She hit the microphone, sending its resounding thump throughout the barn in order to get everyone’s attention. “May I have your attention? Attention everyone!” She said into the mic as a movie screen lowed from its track on the wall behind her. “Everyone listen up.


“I want to thank you all for coming to my forty-fifth birthday party. I know many of you have traveled far to celebrate this auspicious day since you all know that my years reverse and my forties thus far have been damn fucking good!” 


Will covered his three year old son, Anthony's ears and made a stern face to his aunt.


“Sorry kiddies for dropping the ef bomb. Well now that I have your attention and since you were so nice to ‘roast’ me at the dinner table, I thought I would do a little reverse ‘roasting’ myself with a little trip down memory lane. We’ve been spread out far and wide and I want everyone to get caught up with the goings on in everyone else’s crazy life. In that endeavor, I prepared something special.”


Joe Klaus, her boyfriend, rose and ascended the two steps onto the stage where he stood beside his beloved and before the crowd assembled. With a smile he removed the mic from Cat’s grasp. “Although I met many of you for the first time today, I feel like you are all family already, and many of you already are as I have come to love you as my own these past four years.”


Cat eyed him up and down with an equal measure of unadulterated lust and profound love. They had been dating since New Year’s Eve four years earlier when he had come to begin construction on Lizzy and Will’s Camp Legacy. Joe was the foreman and at forty-five was both experienced in his profession and had strong, talented, and eager hands, among other impressive physical attributes. Within the second week of his assignment, after a sufficient amount of flirting with the gorgeous cougar, he had been given in his humble opinion the best head on the eastern seaboard while changing the light bulb in Cat’s cottage. Imagine his surprise, when standing on the step stool in her kitchen, she dropped his pants and did her thing. From that day on their relationship grew – in more ways than their beginning.


“So, with that said if you can indulge me for just a moment, please…” Joe placed the mic on the floor and knelt on the wood stage before Cat while looking up into her eyes. “I love you my cougar-cat and I was hoping you might marry me.” He held out a sparkling engagement ring.


She squeeled like a teenager. “Hell yeah, I’ll marry you. Now my name will be Cat Klaus!” 

He rose and tugged her into his arms. Cheers went up all through the barn as the two kissed in a deep French kiss with hands going everywhere.


“Get a room!” somone shouted from the sidelines along with chants of “Go Joe.  Go Joe!”


Will glanced over to Lizzy and for the fifth time that day, his heart slamming as he watched her grin, her huge pregnant belly bouncing when she laughed really hard. She was about to pop yet she never complained that his little girl within had been kicking the daylights out of her or that her back was killing. He smiled thoughtfully, his little girl’s temperament was just like her mother's and already she, too, had pussified him. He wouldn’t have had it any other way.


Anthony sat on his bobbing knee as if a horsey for his son’s pleasure. His even-keeled, amiable, happy son was the spitting image of his mother and the apple of his eye. From behind, Will wrapped his arms around him, leaning his chin on his shoulder. “I love you, buddy.”


Anthony turned and hugged his neck. “Wuv you, Daddy.”


Lizzy watched her husband and precious son and her heart rate sped. Her’s was the most perfect family, and Will was every dream come true. God, she loved him. It had been four years of the best sex, the best laughs, the best arguments, the best love and the best little boy. Their soon-to-arrive little girl made it all the more perfect.


The lights dimmed when Cat walked over to the DVD player then placed a shiny disk within. “What is she doing Will?” asked Lizzy. “Is this payback?”


He laughed. “Oh, I think so … Maybe we should take the little man outside. You know how she gets.”


A spotlight shone down on their aunt in the darkened room and she spoke into the mic. “Just a little something that my nephew Richard and I put together a few years ago on our last memorable summer at camp Mount Oakham. Let me explain how this came about … When my nephew Richard told me that he was returning home from the Army, I put him to work as a counselor for that last summer, but like I managed to do with both of my nephews, I made a deal with him. He was to work for me for a hefty sum of money – unknowingly paid for by William – as not only a counselor but also a covert videographer! And this, with a lot of editing, is his masterpiece.


Eye of the Tiger music filled the room and the movie clip compilation of the summer’s “first chapter” rolled on the screen: the arrival of the campers and counselors. Jane rising and descending on her tiptoes as she stretched, Lydia making a face, parents high-fiving in the cars, Will backing away from Maddy and Eddie shaking his head, Anne pinching Charlie’s butt. It was all there and howls of laughter went through the barn, the memories fresh as that day.


The video was cleverly done with Rick segueing each "where are they now" by their most memorable moments or at least the ones that he was able to capture on film.


It started off with his dear cousin Anne, who looked mortified seeing that hideous mustache above her lip that summer. Her subsequent break into show business had certainly caused for her dramatic transformation into a real beauty as well as her husband’s transformation from a Star-Wars, Amish geek. The video spanned the tree canopy and the birds scattered. Tarzan’s call emanated from the top ridge of the mountain. “Ahhhh … A … Ahhhhh.” Followed by Anne’s breathy encouragement, “Go Big Daddy. Go. Give me that light saber faster!”


Will covered Anthony’s eyes as everyone laughed because all knew that Anne and Bill’s film company was named Big Daddy Productions and they were the stars of every porno film made and released to XXX theaters across the nation. The first of which: Rumspringa and Eight Inches sold twelve million dollars in combined theatre and DVD sales.


Next the video scanned the forest floor then zoomed in from afar, panning up a mighty oak where a pair of red lace panties swung overhead alongside a pair of tighty whities. Will knew those red panties, because that horrific memory was burned onto his brain forever: Caroline and John on the day of the relay. He covered Anthony’s eyes again and said, “Maybe I should take him out of here now, Liz.”


She laughed, “He’ll be fine, just keep covering his eyes. He won’t know what’s going on.”


“I don’t know ...”


She raised an eyebrow, so he shut up.


Caroline squeeled from the other side of the room and John, sitting beside her laughed raucously, knowing all too well the camera shot that would most likely be coming. That had been the best sex he had ever had and, once the fog of Jose wore off, he knew undeniably that he wanted Caroline in his bed for the rest of his life. Memories of her bent over on all fours on the forest floor was the catalyst in helping him forget all about wanting Lizzy. That crazy redhead was crazy indeed, mewing like a lioness with each thrust. It didn’t matter to her his size, she had liked his execution. Still it came as no surprise when Charlie funded the newlywed’s patenting of their “New & Improved American Penis Enlarger,” which was having great success. The brothers-in-laws were working on a joint financial venture with Big Daddy Productions for their next movie. The Shunning for Twelve Inches. They were sure that with that kind of endorsement of the three additional inches they could go international with their sales.


The lens thankfully panned down to their sleeping, content faces and not the Manic Panic Millipeed or the Acorn Peter.


Next, the camera zoomed onto the sign above the door of the camp’s laundry room: “Laundry Hook-ups, Please Remove All Your Belongings” then rolled down to the darkened doorway where a conversation was captured. “Charlie-boo, a couple of my senior patients tell me that the best sex they had ever was on a washing machine on the spin cycle.”


Will looked to Lizzy again. “Now what Cracken … I can’t cover his ears and his eyes at the same time. What will you have me do?”


Stop worrying Willy. He’s too young to understand what’s going on." With a laugh, she stuck her tongue out at him.


Then with a smug look, he unknotted his tie then slid it out from around his neck, promptly tying it over Anthony’s eyes. He blew Lizzy a mocking kiss afterward.


“Daddy it’s dark! Are we playing hide and seek?”


“It’s okay buddy. Mommy wants to play a game with us; I’m right here behind you, see?” Tickles to his son’s waist sent him into a fit of giggles and squirming.


From within the laundry room the spin cycle revved fast in the commercial-sized washing machine, banging it off-kilter. Charlie’s shouts and Jane’s moans breached the small room. “You … Drexel … Feminist Sex Goddess ... You … Analyze this baby… Oh! Oh!”


At the table beside Liz and Darcy, Jane sat with her forehead cradled in her hands, her head down between her knees, and Charlie smiling proudly, his arm draped over the back of her chair. They had been together for three years now, having had an on-again-off-again trans-Atlantic relationship until her return to the states, where they had been living together ever since. Marriage hadn’t been discussed, but it wasn’t really necessary. They were completely committed and in love with the other. Given the legacy of the camp, it was inevitable.


The camera once again was on the move and this time it traveled to the lake. Although dark, one thing was clearly seen from the dock, Eddie’s nude backside and shouts filmed when he jumped into the black waters below, “Wait for me Maddy, my little sex kitten!”


“That’s it, Lizzy! Anthony is outta here!” Will said a little too loudly, but Lizzy laughed. A still-mortified Jane came to his aid. “I’ll take him, Will.”


“Thank you, Jane. You’re a lifesaver. Appartently his Mommy is slipping back into her old disciplinarian ways.” Lizzy blew him a kiss and he removed the necktie with a smile.


Anthony gazed up at him, his eyes lit with excitement. “Daddy can we get a six kitten, too?”


Lizzy chuckled, answering with a smooth to her son’s hair, “No baby, Daddy doesn’t like animals with razor-sharp claws.”


“Like heck he doesn’t, I married you didn’t I?”


The video played on in the background as the camera zoomed into a pair of huge breasts covered by a tight T-shirt revealing deep cleavage, then zooming out to show a smiling Charlotte. Clips showed scenes of Charlotte sitting with the sixes trying to wash the grime from their faces then later flashing to photos she had provided of her medical clinic in Ethopia where she had been for the last year. She had traveled back home, just for this birthday celebration.


Off to the side of the podium Rick sat with his arm draped around his girlfriend, Ginger, an exotic dancer at “Knockers Gentleman’s Club.” 


Once dislodged from his father’s grasp, Anthony ran to Lizzy who attempted to hug him. “Go with Auntie Janie, little man… give Mommy a kiss.” She leaned down and he gave her a big fat raspberry kiss then spoke in his sweet baby voice that tugged at her heart every time. “Is sisa coming soon? I wanna hug you.”


“Soon baby … any day, and then you can hug her, too.”


“Wuv you, Mommy.”


“I wuv you, too, sweetie.” Both kissed Anthony good-bye when his aunt whisked him away, followed by Lizzy's settling into Will's arm.


His heart slammed against his chest for the sixth time. God, how he loved her.


The video went on spanning the Lamdon boys sitting poolside looking all orange wearing white sun glasses. As much as the film of G-Train winning the swim race caused groans, everyone loved finding out what had happened to him. The jerk had finally gotten his wish to be in a own weekly reality TV show, called Plates. It was about the inner-workings and prison gangs that operated within Pennsylvania’s State Penitentiary vehicle license plate making operation. Wickham was currently serving a ten to twelve year stint as co-star to his cell-mate and lover Blubba – not Bubba – he weighed 500 pounds.


One of the serious video moments was the image of Lydia and Georgiana parting as friends in the parking lot on Lydia’s last day. Pictures of before and after flashed on screen and Lydia laughed from her table where she sat beside her boyfriend, Sean, as well as her father with his girlfriend, Dorothy.


Both girls had maintained their friendship, which grew from the small seeds of trouble and forgiveness but developed into responsibility and security. They also went on to star in their own reality TV show. Will had no problem whatsoever supporting and financially backing the show. Just as Lizzy had hoped, Lydia become a chef all on her own, specializing in spicy recipes. Together she and Georgiana cooked and taught the live audience the ins and outs of cooking. Cooking Up Jersey Shore Heat was filmed from Cape May and a great success on the Food Network.


Not to be forgotten were the many special captured moments between Darcy and Lizzy. Of special notation was his breaking into Longbourn and removing her black lace panties. Of course no one but the camera saw as Darcy dreamily rubbed them against his cheek before shoving them into his front pocket. Nor did the camera miss the opportunity to capture their kiss in Lake Tittycocka. That camera shot was provided by Aunt Cat preceding her interruption.


Now, four years later, happy married, and the owners of the much-loved and frequented Camp Legacy, they were about to welcome their second child into the world. Everyone they loved most in the world were present in the barn this night.

Camp Legacy grew to be a monumental success. Free of charge, eight times a year, children and adults came to the refurbished camp grounds to help them through their grief healing process, all with the help of Cat, Joe, Maddy, and Eddie. And of course, Darcy and Lizzy oversaw it all. The two of them were perfectly suited for each other, once again proving that the folklore of Camp Mount Oakham was truth.


Lizzy shifted in her seat and Darcy’s senses went into hyper-alert noticing her face contort in pain. “Babe are you ok?”


She smiled and nodded, trying to make it through to the end of the film.


From the first moment the lemon meringue pie slid onto Darcy’s head and the mash potatoes flung into her face, the famous food fight had been captured with food flying from all directions.


Madeline glanced over at her niece watching the film, noting how her nephew sat watching her holding her belly. The moment that the water pitcher poured over Lizzy’s head on screen, her water broke at the table. The greatest image of before – and after.


Lizzy glanced over to Will, her eyes locking with his, her hand squeezing his tightly. “It’s time Mr. Daddy.” It was the best damn name he had ever been called by her.


Baby Francesca Katherine Darcy was born following eight hours of Will's received tongue lashings, curses, shooting daggers, and multiple slaps to his arms. He wouldn’t have had it any other way.


His life was paradise.

Did you have fun with Battle of the Sexes. Please let me know! I had so much fun sharing it with you! Thank you for joining me this summer.