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Chapter Six - Games People Play

Having set the precedence for foul play, underhandedness, and full unabashed usage of one’s arts and allurements, it only seemed logical that war should be engaged on all battlefronts.  Sportsmanship between the adults was now considered verboten. Nothing was sacred and quarter was neither given nor asked for, and as such, any day that Pemberley and Longbourn came together to compete against one another was a day their counselors vowed for retribution. Both Lizzy and Darcy’s minds worked overtime on devising new ways to bring down, torture, or simply just annoy the other for the sake of witnessing their discomfort. Clearly, a bottle of Cuervo (their bet) was not sufficient for the winner, only the knowledge of the other’s complete and utter destruction was the prize they both sought. So, as such, these two “adults” acted like the children in their charge.


Cat had willingly and knowingly, much to her and Maddy’s amusement, begun the war between the battling couple the moment she declared the counselor games of competition.


On this day, four old-fashioned canoes waited at the edge of the lake for their two occupants to take their places to row with the same-sex partner of choice to the opposite side of the lake and back.   The paired off teams climbed in: Lizzy and Jane, Charlotte and Caroline, Darcy and Charlie, and Rick and John waited for Cat to blow the kazoo to send them across the still, black water. Wickham had disappeared for the afternoon, but was not missed since he had been winning many of the counselor races.  But even his victories, paled in the decided war between Pemberley and Longbourn—or rather—Darcy and Lizzy.


The men snickered at the women, the women gave them the British bird, and the kazoo sounded as soon as Cat placed it between her super-shiny, red lips.


And they were off ...


Darcy and Charlie led the other three canoes with muscles flexing in exertion to get a significant lead. As though an Olympic sculling team, they glided across the water. 


Caroline gaped, distracted by the image of her prey’s biceps and shoulders; the movement of his back muscles rendered her immobile.


“Row Caroline!  I’m not carrying this all on my own,” Charlotte shouted.


“But I’ll break a nail.”

The Bennet sisters were neck and neck with Rick and John (distracted by Lizzy’s heaving breasts with each push and pull of her arms.)


Rick laughed.  “Pay attention but it seems like you already are paying attention.”


“Ha. Ha. I’m sorry, I can’t help it.”


“It should be any moment now. Then you’ll really get to see something.”


The children went wild on the shoreline, running back and forth, calling out their bets to Billy on the dock, writing furiously on his clipboard. 


“I’ll take the girls for two extra smores!” 


“No, Netherfield & Pemberley wins. I bet a Call of Duty Xbox game!” 


The little ones, recently nicknamed the “sixes” jumped up and down, yelling, “Skittles, skittles, skittles!” 


The tension on the lake was intense, the competition fierce as Darcy and Charlie made their way back across the lake to the dock. Their canoe passed Lizzy and Jane only just closing the space to the first shoreline. 


“Have you taken a bath today, Bennet?”  Darcy called out.


She looked at Jane who didn’t get the joke either and both shrugged their shoulders. They continued, touching the first shoreline and reversing, headed back across the lake. When their boat skimmed into the middle of the massive lake, both of the women’s canoes sprung leaks from the bottom.


“Oh my God! Hurry, Jane. Plug the hole. We’re sinking!”


“I can’t Lizzy. There’s nothing to plug it with!”


Lizzy quickly removed her sneakers and socks. No sooner had she plugged a hole with one of her sock, another leak sprang. Jane copied her sister’s ingenuity, doing the same.


The men stopped rowing, lauging hysterically as their competitors slowly sank.


Caroline screamed, and Jane would swear later that she heard, “I’m going to drown ...” come from her still Sharpied lips.


Lizzy stood tall in the canoe as it made its final descent and raising her fist in the air like a Viking going down with her ship declared, “You’re dead, Darcy!”


Overseeing the pandemonium (and loving every bit of it), Cat cackled from the dock until Caroline dragged her body onto the shoreline. “Would you look at this girl; she looks like the creature from the Black Lagoon!”


Once on shore, Lizzy stormed to Darcy, fury burning her eyes. They flashed as though a Titan of the Sea that Poseidon had just released from captivity.  Water dripped from her now stringy hair, and she grit her teeth, keeping her voice low and deadly.  “I hope you sleep with one eye open and your hand over your nuts, Darcy, because you’re going to be singing soprano by the time I’m through with you.”


He laughed mockingly. “You’ll look for any excuse to place my balls in the palm of your hand won’t you? See you at dinner ... Cracken.”



Resting her chin in the palm of her hand, Jane sat at the dinner table, with that dreamy, sex haze look she gets whenever lusting over a potential new romance.  Charlie-boo sat across the cafeteria and was her target. He looked like he had the prowess to rock her world over and over, and her mind was lost in her fantasy musing until she heard two Cheapside girls having a conversation beside her.


“So wuz up?  That boy Brandon is double-e, not like Alex whose soooo wickedly rad and tight. I was totally amped when he macked on me.”


“No way, Brandon rawks. He’s kewl and uber-blaze. Did you see his Burberrys? Sweet, cost a bunch of cheddar, wooka-junk.”


She felt as though in a scene from the movie Airplane.  You know, the one where the elderly lady translates jive talk between two men.  Only Jane was no senior citizen, and she still couldn’t figure out what the heck the kids had just said.


In her line of work, conversations went more like, “Sally you’re looking vibrant today, must be that stent you just had put in or are you taking that Milk of Magnesia the doctor ordered.  Is it all those vitamins, CoQ10 or is it 20, the new wonder drug.”


“Can you speak up, can’t hear you! My hearing aid battery is going. I feel like a million dollars, had a good bowel movement this morning. Like I always say, when it don’t come out, you got problems.”


Did you see Robert?  He got new teeth, looks like Cary Grant in that Hitchcock movie, what was it called? I can’t remember. He was one fine looking man.”


“I did see Robert. I heard he stopped taking that Viagra and needs a pacemaker now. I never liked that Cary Grant, they say he took that acid drug, and was a bi-hom-o-sexual.”


It was about this time of her musing that Jane caught something covert out of the corner of her eye.  Holding a dish, Lizzy stealthily made her way to stand behind Darcy where he sat with the Pemberley boys.


He didn’t feel it when she did it, but all the boys facing him saw her do it and said nothing.


Very gently, very softly, very covertly, she slid the piece of lemon meringue pie off her plate onto the top of his head, then slipped away as sneakily as she had come. 


The boys howled with laughter and so did the ones at Netherfield’s table, all pointing fingers at Mr. Rules of Existence. 


He touched the top of his head, inadvertently smashing pie down into his hair, egg white foam slid down and clung to the tuft of hair at his nape.


It was fast, and he didn’t even need to think about it when his hand dug into the mound of mashed potatoes on his plate followed by a spontanteous hurl at Lizzy. The mound flew through the hair until landing smack dab on her forehead, dripping down to her long eyelashes. 


She eye-balled the ice cream sandwich in her hand with unique fascination.


“Don’t do it Bennet!” he called out.


“Or what?”


“I dare you.”


She smiled.


“I double dog dare you ... spawn of satan,” he challenged.


With an arm like an All-Star pitcher, she flung her ice cream sandwich at his face, whacking him in the nose.


And that, my friends, began camp Mount Oakham’s very first food fight in the history of the camp.  Every counselor and camper joined in the adolescent warring antics of Lizzy and Darcy, setting the precedence between these two for the next four weeks.


Cat was having such a good time from her perch on the small stage. She didn’t care that flying hot dogs were pelting her. This was summer camp at its finest—when even the adults (even 70 year olds) could act like adolescents.  She took out her mini-camcorder and saved it for posterity ... perhaps for a wedding day viewing party. 


She howled with laughter knowing that it was Baby Jane’s night to have kitchen duty.


A bit of fun on the lake ... before a different kind of fun IN the lake on Monday. See you on the Fourth of July for FIREWORKS between our dear couple instigated Jose Cuervo.